I'm currently reading a book on grieving for Christian men. It suggests that when you have suffered a great loss to look back in your life and see where God was working in your life beforehand to prepare you to better handle the loss. It says to look for “the fingerprints of God in your life.” It didn’t take me long to find God’s fingerprints in our lives leading up to Uriah’s birth…

God’s fingerprints – in no particular order:

-Leading us to Calvary Baptist Church (CBC). Last summer, after finding out Hannah was pregnant, we began discussing how we wanted to raise our child. I hadn't gone to church in years, and Hannah had recently stopped going to church. Even so, we both knew we wanted to raise our child in church and teach him about God. We decided to start looking for a church. We found one about ten minutes away that we liked. It was very small – around twenty members - but the members were all very friendly and Hannah had known some of them for years. Even better was the fact that they only had one service a week - Sunday morning. Having been out of church for awhile, and being back in church only because of our unborn child, we didn’t exactly want to attend more than once a week.

We attended this church for a few weeks and really liked it, but quickly realized that our two children didn't seem to be enjoying it. The only other kids in the church were the pastor's kids, and they didn't have any Sunday School classes or anything centered around children. We were getting some pre-marital counseling from the pastor of another nearby church (CBC) and he recommended that we visit his church, partly because there was more for our kids there. We attended CBC on Sunday evenings for a few weeks. We sort of liked it, but the music was more contemporary than we were use to and they didn't exclusively use the King James Version of the Bible. *gasp!!* (We were both raised in churches where the music was strictly hymns and the Bible was strictly KJV - and these churches taught that anything different in those two categories was just plain sinful.) For these reasons we actually stopped attending CBC after a few weeks.

A few weeks later we met with the pastor for another counseling session, and I told him we had stopped attending his church and explained why. He patiently and lovingly gave us some wise counsel on those topics, as well as some advice in general about what to look for in a church. We left his office that day feeling very torn and confused about what we should do. We loved the church we were currently attending. We loved the members, and we especially loved the messages that the pastor had been preaching. We considered and discussed the CBC pastor’s advice some more, prayed about it, and eventually decided to give CBC another try. We felt like God was telling us to look past the external factors - the music and the Bible version - and look at the heart and soul of the church, as that's what really matters. We did that and quickly fell in love with the church and, after even more prayer about the matter, decided to make it our home.

"But what about the music and the Bible version?" you may ask. I will discuss Bible versions in a later post, but I will touch briefly on the music question now. Yes, the music is more lively than good old-fashioned hymns. Yes, many of the songs even have a beat to them. And you know what? It's great! For the first time in my life I actually feel like I'm praising and glorifying God when I sing in church now. The words that we sing and the music that the musicians play join together in a joyful noise of worship, praise, and adoration of our God.

Okay, now that you know the very unlikely story of how God led us to CBC, let me explain why the church has been such a godsend in our time of loss. The outpouring of love from our church when they found out about Uriah's death was so amazing and such a blessing in our lives. From the countless prayers on our behalf and words of encouragement to us, to the meals that our Sunday School class brought in during that first week, to opening the church to us for Uriah's funeral, to each of the pastors helping out with the funeral service (including a very important message that we needed to hear from one of the pastors), to the many members who brought in food for the luncheon following the funeral, and everything else I'm not thinking of right now, God's love and grace and compassion were demonstrated in our lives through the members of this church. We weren't official members of the church - still aren't. We had only been attending for a couple of months. But they cared about us, and so they made themselves available and willing to be used by God and He did that in a very special way.

I've told my wife on several occasions that I shudder to think of where we would be had we not found CBC. I think we would've both turned our backs on God again, and that's really all that needs to be said about that.

-Loni. This dear friend of Hannah's has been such a blessing during our dark time. When Hannah found out what was suspected to be wrong with Uriah she texted Loni and she immediately came down to the hospital. You see, she has experienced the pain of losing two children and she knew Hannah needed her. Late in the afternoon of Uriah's first day as Hannah and I sat in her room on the 5th floor of the hospital, she tearfully told me that she didn't think she could stand to see Uriah any more. Knowing that he likely wouldn't survive, she couldn't bear the thought of getting more attached to him, only to have to say good-bye. With a now even-heavier heart, I went back down to see Uriah alone. Some time later I was so relieved to see Loni approaching Uriah's bedside with Hannah next to her. Loni had encouraged her to come back down to see Uriah, to appreciate and enjoy whatever time he had on this earth, to make memories with Uriah while it was still possible, and her words thankfully had the desired effect on Hannah. She was a huge blessing during those two days in the hospital, and she has continued to be a blessing in the weeks since, encouraging Hannah - and even myself on a few occasions - during the dark times that still appear.

-Pastor Mead. Last summer we decided to get some pre-marital counseling from Pastor Mead. That decision is probably the wisest decision we've ever made. He has helped us - both individually and in our relationship - so much with his wise, godly advice. He steered us in the right direction in our individual relationships with God, and in our relationship with each other. He counseled us about Uriah, and we came to realize that Uriah was not a mistake but was a blessing from God. He encouraged us to come to CBC. He came down to the hospital on Tuesday, Uriah’s last day, stood by his bedside with us and prayed for us and encouraged us in our sorrow. He has continued to pray for us in the weeks since Uriah’s death. He spoke to us during Uriah’s funeral, and ministered to us with a message that we so desperately needed to hear on that day. His presence in our life has been invaluable. We are where we are today because of how God used him in our lives.

-Insurance and doctors. The only insurance that Hannah had when she became pregnant was Medicaid. When it was time to find an obgyn doctor we quickly realized that precious few obgyns were accepting new patients with Medicaid. We made quite a few calls before finally finding one - and his office was an hour away from our home. We were less than thrilled about the distance, but he seemed to be the only option so Hannah chose to continue seeing him. That doctor, and the female doctor who Hannah actually saw for the majority of her appointments, were very good. The male doctor is the one who delivered Uriah; he sensed something was wrong as Uriah was coming out so he called for the NICU doctor right away, before Uriah was even all the way out. The NICU doctor arrived moments later and he’s the one who was finally able to intubate Uriah. It was a blessing in disguise to get stuck with the obgyn that was an hour away.

-Hospitals. The obgyn's office partnered with Spectrum Health hospitals in Grand Rapids, so that is where Hannah delivered the baby. This ended up being a huge blessing because Devos Children’s Hospital was just one floor away and they were able to take him to the NICU unit immediately. Since it was in the same hospital building it allowed us to see and touch Uriah during his two days on this earth, and then to hold him in our arms during his final hour. Had she delivered Uriah at one of our local hospitals, they would have immediately taken Uriah down to Devos Children's Hospital in G.R. and Hannah would have been at the local hospital and never would have seen her son while he was alive.

We praise God for touching our lives with Uriah and for the ways he prepared us to walk through the dark valley of losing our son. His love and mercy towards us are unfathomable.

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3 comments

1. Patricia on March 27, 2010 at 8:33 PM

   It is exciting to see how God is working in your life and Hannah's. I can see the blessings He had in your path waiting for your moment of need. Those blessings don't always come the way we expect them to, but if we keep our eyes open to God's working in us and for us we can see His "fingerprints". Thank you for sharing so personally.

    
2. Anonymous on March 28, 2010 at 8:10 AM

   Jesse after reading this post you have touched a part of me i have buried for years because i left church after I thought God had failed me....I can see now I was so very wrong.. I know you dont even really know me but watching and reading you and your wifes post you two have done more then you will ever know and I just wanted to say Thank you .. She has found the right man to walk be herside
   
   Connie Geer

    
3. Grace on March 28, 2010 at 2:50 PM

   This was a joy and encouragement to read in so many ways, Jesse.