I've been in a funk, more or less, for quite some time now. At times it crosses the border into what I can only imagine is depression. I've never really felt like I was depressed for any length of time before, until recently. Occasional - sometimes frequent - moments where I'd feel quite sad, sure; but not depressed. Lately, though, I've been feeling quite depressed for days on end. I can't imagine what it must be like for people that have depression much more severely than I've been feeling, and who have it all the time. My own little version of it is bad enough, but at least I don't have it for weeks/months at a time, and it's not so bad that I can't motivate myself to still function relatively normally. Anyway, there are a multiple reasons for why I've been feeling this way. Most of them I am aware of; some I probably have yet to discover. More on that later perhaps - just wanted to mention it briefly now as a precursor to the following.

Before I wiped out this blog to start anew, I saved a complete backup of all of my old posts. Just a little while ago, while in one of the aforementioned blue moods, I decided to skim through some of my old posts. Why? Well, I was under the misguided impression that reading my posts from a time when I was posting regularly and had at least a handful of readers might help cheer me up a little bit.

If only it had. Unfortunately, it had the opposite effect. Reading some of my old posts depressed me even more, especially the ones that talked about my personal life. They were depressing posts, for the most part, and reading them now made them even more depressing as I realized that most of the problems I was struggling with in my life at that time are still very much present and alive in my life today. You'd think that in 4 or 5 years time I'd be able to do some self-improvement and resolve some of those issues. You'd think that, but you'd be wrong. I really need to get my act together.

Edit: Iraq has been on my mind again quite a bit lately. I'm going to try to transfer some of my thoughts to the screen over the next couple of days and post them here. In the meantime, I will be reposting some of my posts about Iraq from the old blog, to form a background to the new posts that will be here in the next few days.

0 comments