I wonder if I'm seeing ghosts. Not the shadowy white variety that float through the air, scaring some people and thrilling others, but the mental variety that trick you into believing things that are not real.

Recently I've developed some level of distrust in my newest relationship. I can't seem to put my finger on why this is - if she's given me reason to distrust her, or if - and I think this is more likely - it has to do with the fact that I was not remotely trustworthy at the end of my previous relationship. I know what I was capable of, and so I imagine everyone else is capable of the same things I did. I don't like feeling this way and I'm trying to fight it. I'm trying to get back to completely trusting her. I think the reason I hate the distrust so much is because of the ghosts. Without complete trust it is easy to imagine things, to imagine alternate reasons for actions and words, reasons that feed into that mistrust and elevate and magnify it. My mind can be my worst enemy at times, convincing me of all sorts of negative things that usually end up being untrue.

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