...of sleep.

Last night I was reading through some messages that a friend and I had sent each other approximately one year ago. (That friend has since become my wife!) In one of those messages I said "wow....i just conked out for a minute sitting at the computer -no warning at all." This prompted her to ask, "What happens when you're driving and there's no warning?" I responded with an explanation of how I justified my driving at that time. Reading it last night brought back a lot of memories.

It really wasn't all that safe for me to drive back then, in my pre-Xyrem days. A significant portion of the time I was on the road I was so groggy that my reaction time was surely dangerougly slow. I'd go into automatic behavior mode a fair amount of the time - I'd snap out of it at some point during my trip to realize that I had absolutely no recollection of any of the last 10, 20, 30 minutes of my trip. I'd try various things to keep me awake while driving, because most of the time the stimulant meds I was taking weren't enough. I'd try to supplement the stimulants with energy drinks, trying one after another of the many varieties that are out there. Unfortunately, caffeine has never really affected me the way it does most people, so the energy drinks were typically just a waste of money. I searched for other ways to help me stay awake behind the wheel. Music I hated. Music I loved. Upbeat, energetic music that I felt like dancing to. Cold temps (heat off, windows down in the winter). Hot temps (heater cranked way up). Talking to myself. Singing. Nothing ever really worked. I was constantly yawning while driving back and forth on the hour-long drive between work and home. Sometimes I'd experience micro-sleeps - falling asleep instantly with no warning, waking up moments later. Many times I'd wake up still in the right lane on the road. Some times I'd wake up when I drifted onto the rumble strips on the side of the highway - those things saved my life on more than a few occassions. A couple of times I woke up partly on the other side of the highway - thankfully never when there was opposing traffic occupying the same section of road as I was. In the back of my mind I knew it wasn't safe for me to drive then, but I justified it for different reasons. God was surely watching over me when I was on the road back then. It seems rather incredible to me now that I never got in an accident from falling asleep. Well, I shouldn't say never. I did lose control of a vehicle on a super-icy freeway in the middle of the night one night a few years ago. I told everyone I hadn't fallen asleep at the wheel - which I honestly believed - but the more I thought about it I realized I couldn't remember anything from the few seconds preceding the crash, which leads me to believe I may have fallen asleep after all.

I don't miss those days one bit. I never would have admitted it then, but deep down I was terrified of falling asleep at the wheel and getting in a bad accident and hurting myself or someone else. The Xyrem helps me so much that I don't have to deal with any of those issues any more while driving. I can hop in the car - free of stimulants, energy drinks, and anything similar - and drive for an hour or more without having to worry about dozing off a single time. Yes, I do still occasionally get mildly sleepy when driving - but never to the point where I'm worried about falling asleep.

By the way, this isn't an advertisement for Xyrem! :-) Hmm - maybe I *should* contact Jazz Phamaceuticals and ask if they'll pay me for endorsements!

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