I've been trying to figure out what to say in this, my next blog post, for a week now. I was hoping the right words would just come to me and I would know exactly what to say, how to say it, that my thoughts would just flow into words as easily as they used to some years ago. It hasn't happened. So here, instead, are the facts. Perhaps I can get some of my thoughts out after putting down the facts.

My son, Uriah Daniel Olson, was born on January 3, 2010.

He died on January 5, 2010.

His body looked absolutely perfect. He was the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. He was wonderful. Inside his perfect body was a damaged brain. Some time in the days immediately preceding his birth something happened that deprived his brain of oxygen and it killed his brain. He was born with no brain activity. Two days of testing confirmed this, and so on the third day of his life he was removed from the respirator and shortly thereafter slipped away to Heaven as his mother and I cradled him in our arms.

This wasn't supposed to happen. We didn't plan for this. We tried to plan for all sorts of other negative outcomes - Down Syndrome, autism, pre-term labor, and so on. But this, a healthy full-term baby born brain-dead - how do you plan for something like that? The possibility never crossed our minds for even a fraction of a second.

I miss my little Uriah. I miss him immensely. I want to hold him in my arms again. I want to kiss him. I want to watch him grow. I want to sing to him. I want to rock him to sleep. I want to talk to him. I want to tell him about Jesus' great love for us. I want to watch him take his first steps. I want to play with him. I want to hear him say his first words.

I rejoice that Uriah never knew pain on this earth, and that the first time he opened his eyes it was to see Jesus. I know I will see him again some day. Until then, we continue on, leaning heavily on the Lord and the prayers of our family and friends to help us through the pain, grief, and sorrow that we feel.

2 comments

1. Patricia on January 16, 2010 at 10:36 PM

   Tears for you and Hannah. Thank you for writing thoughts that show your heart. Healing will come faster this way.

    
2. Ruth on January 17, 2010 at 2:19 AM

   I cried reading this. But this is a good cry because there's hope. We, who believes in Jesus, are the only ones who have this kind of hope in His promise of resurrection. Someday, we'll be reunited to our loved ones who have gone ahead with us.
   Thank you for sharing. Keep the blog title for now until you find one that you really like.